Why are Daughters Different? There are three main reasons why daughters typically react differently to narcissistic mothers than sons do.
Biological Reasons
Daughters are different from sons in three very important ways. They are typically the firstborn female, making them much more aware of the family’s emotional dynamics. As the firstborn female, they inherit the narcissism their mothers display. Girls typically develop through puberty much more quickly than boys and are vulnerable to overt sexual manipulations at an earlier age. They also get their hormones much faster than boys, making them more sexual and have less developmental resilience. So, by the time daughters hit puberty, they have all the trappings of adult female hormones: pre-menstrual or PMS, making them seem dramatic and emotional when under stress, especially in childhood. She also gets a new set of physiological changes to the brain, with greater motivation for social bonding and love, but less resilience and resilience against others’ degradation. Once these hormonal changes reach the brain, they are permanent.
Ladies develop much stronger abilities to emotionally bond with other people and weaker abilities to emotionally detach others from themselves. They are more emotionally vulnerable to criticism and failure and much more motivated to bond with their parents. Socially, they are more sensitive to social inequalities and feel much more sympathy for those who seem to have less than they do. They are, therefore, more likely to reject competition or gain dominance to compensate. Daughters are also less political and more impulsive in their emotional responses.
The biological reasons make them more in tune with attention and emotionally connect to their mothers. Emotions are elemental and powerful forces that hold our lives together. Our biological relationship with our mothers shapes our emotional abilities. So daughters inherit the emotional temperament of their mothers, not just their biological makeup.
Psychological Reasons
Daughters are more likely to empathize and are more motivated to emotionally bond with their mothers. Their mothers handle their psychological development, and so their psychological development will be different. Psychologists have discovered that mothers typically spend much more time with their daughters than their sons, which is usually more painful for daughters. Girls and boys are grounded into an early model of learning by their mothers.
Mothers often tell girls to trust their feelings yet be pragmatic and rational about their emotional responses. Such mothers often tell boys that feelings are irrelevant and should not be trusted. Girls are grounded into a mode of learning through their mothers that emotions are important. Boys are grounded into a mode of learning through their mothers that emotions are irrelevant. This has a profound effect on their whole development, including their patterns of attachment with authority figures. Girls are much more likely to show empathy and emotional attachments with their mothers, whereas boys are much more likely to show detachment. So sons inherit the detachment from their mothers.
Social Reasons
The social reasons daughters are different are due to the social world and social support and pressure. These social reasons are simpler and more predictable. The social world is more likely to support mothers’ narcissistic behaviors and discount the emotional abuse that daughters endure. It is much more likely to frame and promote these narcissistic behaviors as ‘normal’ and ‘realistic’ rather than as abusive or deranged. Boys tend to be naturally more resilient towards emotional abuse, and are physically stronger, which means they are less emotive. It makes boys unable to pick up on emotional abuse quickly, so they are less likely to be manipulated by their mothers.
They are also less able to emotionally manipulate others, which makes them less prone to narcissism. Boys also spend less time with their mothers, so their interaction is not in the emotional realm. Such makes them less able to pick up on manipulative and abusive behavior. Their emotional capacity develops much later. They are less able to manipulate others emotionally. Boys are more inherently cynical, which makes them less vulnerable to emotional manipulation. They do not easily feel empathy with others and are less motivated to bond emotionally with others. Boys are also more accepted by their peers, which means they are less motivated to compensate for rejection by their peers by seeking control and being exploitive.
Views of society
The social world is less likely to support abuse and manipulation by mothers. Boys as a class are objectified very quickly. Girls are internalized very quickly. This reshapes their views of males and females. Girls’ social expectations finally show that their goal in life is to marry, have children, and be subservient to men. In this way, social expectations manage their emotional lives.
Society is not much differentiated between girls and boys, at least before puberty. After puberty, society very strongly differentiates between girls and boys. Society expects women to be nurturers and men to be coercive. Such makes a girl very dependent; she is dependent on her mother and expected to become dependent on a husband to take over her day to day life. All she has to do is be nice and smile. This makes them very vulnerable to emotional abuse and manipulation.
Note:
These three ways show daughters are not like sons. This makes it easier to feel ignored, manipulated, and abused by narcissistic mothers. It makes daughters more sensitive to the emotional world and makes them more vulnerable to narcissism.
Why Daughters are More Vulnerable to Narcissistic Mothers
Daughters are more difficult to manipulate by narcissistic mothers because they are more emotionally sensitive and are treated much more harshly for having emotional attachments to them. Additionally, daughters are more likely to be in a situation where they lose out on bonding with a family member such as a mother. This early attachment is difficult to let go of, even when the family member is abusive. It implies that daughters are especially vulnerable to narcissistic mothers.
How to recognize abuse in a narcissistic mother
Daughters are usually very in touch with their feelings. Therefore, emotional abuse is more likely to be recognized in them. It is because girls are more emotional, and they can often see manipulation from parents or friends’ behavior. Such makes them more likely to see that the abuse is fierce and that they are undergoing manipulation. They are keener to reject this behavior aggressively.
Possible Abusions in Daughters
In a narcissistic mom or mom-in-law, there are common abuses. You may see:
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is often the most difficult to recognize. Most of the time, it is the less obvious, hidden abuse and manipulation. There are gaslighting and reciprocity abuse parts to this kind of abuse. You can usually spot it by how someone reacts when they feel they are undergoing manipulation. Or by how they react when there is a disagreement. It could be many denials, or they may become emotional and reactive, or they may just completely shut down. These are usually the most obvious signs of abuse. The abusive lawyer system is emotionally abusive, and the more denial there is, the more dangerous it is. Heavy emotional abuse does not usually occur until after depression.
Non-Emotional Abuse
Your narcissistic mother usually does not beat you or do anything physically that is physically painful. This makes their emotional abuse and manipulation that much more effective because they can do less damage to people. They will also taunt you. This sort of abuse assumes that you will believe the narcissist and attack them for contradicting themselves in a valid, logical manner. It is more emotion than reason – this is difficult to deal with and treat.
Socially Abuse
She may be very critical of your opinions and actions. A narcissist may try to pull you to her group and may refuse to come to yours. She may not want your friends to come to your group or to socialize with you. These same social abuses are NOT emotional abuse, even though they are designed to hurt you.
Sexual Abuse
This type of abuse may be more difficult to act on, as the narcissist cannot physically beat you. Furthermore, it requires that you have sex, which is not always as easy to fault. Narcissists will not let you have sex that you want, even though they will often lie about it. They will also suddenly start flirting with you or flirting with one of your friends to get you to do something. These are very common and can be very hard to spot. Just because they are straightforward and honest does not mean there is no manipulation going on.
Intimidation from Narcissistic Mothers
Fear is the most effective manipulation. It is common for a narcissistic mom to act in a threatening manner. A narcissist may threaten you, even after you have moved to another room. Such a mother might slam drawers and doors. She might make threats with physical violence, but she will use words to express these threats. Goes ahead to threaten that she will kill you or kill herself by jumping off a roof. This is not a threat; it is a turn of phrase that means nothing in-law, despite how much people believe it and want to think the narcissist has good intentions. From a psychological perspective, it is a threat because fear is involved.
Isolation
Isolation is the most common way to manipulate a person emotionally. Also, isolation does not involve physical abuse. A girl can be isolated from her friends and family quite easily and even family members. Friends of the narcissist can also be isolated if they think they are projecting and important on the narcissist. This can lead to severe loneliness, which is much more dangerous than physical abuse. Normal women have less of a drive to escape isolation than girls and women do.
They might be able to get away from their parents. Boys, on the other hand, have little trouble escaping their parents. Such ladies can run away, have a sports team, and have many places to go. Girls, on the other hand, have little to escape. They are much more driven to connect to their mothers. This is most apparent with daughters of narcissists. All isolation is abuse, even if it is not psychologically abusive. Hags can use isolation as abusive but also as manipulative.
Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is not an issue of a narcissist’s feelings. It is an issue of self-esteem. Narcissists expect that you have high self-esteem. They want you to be very secure in yourself and to be able to succeed. It makes them feel good about themselves, and they get a sense of validation from how they raised you so successfully. You should usually be clever, ambitious, confident, and independent. A strong sense of self-esteem is also very helpful at predicting later success.
How to suffer less from narcissistic mothers
Your narcissistic mother can use many pathways to hurt you. There are three phases of emotional abuse and manipulation by a narcissistic mother. These three ways can make you feel negative, but it does not come from their feelings. Many narcissists use these methods together. We will look at some of these ways here to highlight what they are:
Phase 1 – The big lie of Narcissistic Mothers
This is the first phase, and is very obvious. It is when your mother lies to you. She will say something that she knows is wrong. The truth becomes the opposite. If she asks you who has a red car, you say you do, and she says she does, that is the truth. This makes it confusing, especially because her saying it is the truth makes it the truth from her perspective.
Phase 2 – Denial of inconsistencies
This is what she will use to manipulate you constantly. She will make you doubt that you did something wrong. Such a mother will make you think you are wrong and that you were right. When she says she does something and then denies it, this is a denial of inconsistencies by making you think what you said was wrong. Your mom makes you think she is the one who is always wrong or wrong. There are many cases of this, and many abusers do it.
Phase 3 – Gaslighting, or making you forget your past
It is the final phase and is when she has totally manipulated you. She has completely made you forget something that happened. The manipulator makes you think you forgot or forgot over time. She may do this by saying, “Oh, I still can’t remember you didn’t say that” or “We had that conversation on Friday.” She can do things like this to you. Phase 3 is the last phase of abuse and the main last tool that the manipulative mother uses. This is where she wants you to feel that she is somehow better than you and that you are not ok. Such a manipulator will always want to make you feel as though they are your mother. It is one of the main characteristics of narcissistic mothers.
Confrontations
When confronted by a narcissist, they will deny everything, say truths, and deny inconsistencies. They will do what the narcissist wants. It triggers us to believe that we must be bad or lie. She will call you whatsoever. You will almost always be called something with strong connotations to the word mother. A narcissist will call you a bitch, a witch, or your name will force you to think of your mother.
Whatever you think of as negative, a narcissistic mother will call that. She may call you a son and kind of change that to our mother, and then your mother. The narcissist may change your name into your name and have it have different connotations in her vocabulary. She may do this when she hurts you. You may think you are hurting you, and she may use this as a tool to hurt you further. Remember: a narcissistic mother is dangerous no matter what she says.
Acceptance
There are many ways to deal with a narcissist because they will mix facts and interpretations with threats and denial. Learning to accept and accept reality is the first step to healing. However, when you accept reality, you are also accepting the manipulation and abuse happening at the moment or within the past. You are consenting to the abuse and manipulation. You are making them feel powerful and safe. It is not just about accepting the abuse, but also accepting your decisions and the mistakes you have made in your relationship with them. The more you do that, the healthier you will find yourself.
Acceptance is also the healing process from narcissistic abuse and the negative effects on the victim’s life. It is going from believing you did something wrong to accept the fact that you did nothing wrong. Acceptance is going from something you did to “flawed.” We regard it as doing something you did not do.
For example, someone accuses you of stealing, and you have done that many times and they need that to feel powerful. You listen and give them the inventory. They say you have stolen stuff. You take it, and there are clothes or stuff. You now have done that thing. However, you also accept that you did not do that because you know there were items there which belonged to “them.” You are accepting the truth. You can turn it around, and the same thing applies, not just to the victim but also the narcissist. A narcissistic mother has to accept the impact of her abusive behaviors.
